So Much To Say

Grumble...

Words you don't want to hear in the morning while trying to play "single parent" and rush your kids out the door to the bus that seems to arrive earlier and earlier each day:

"Uh, we have a problem.  Luke just said that he fed my retainer to Fiona."

Fiona is the dog. Luke is my almost 4 year old.  The words were spoken by my straight-toothed 14 year old who refuses to use his retainer case when he removes those nasty things from his mouth.

Not happy.

Recharging the Batteries.

I opted to stay home this weekend with Luke, instead of heading to the Cape with T and Cam.  Our friends were hosting a dinner and while it sounded like it would be a fun time, I just could not wrap my head around driving all the way there, staying over night, bringing the dog, etc. etc...

I also needed a weekend to lay low.  No house guests.  A pile of laundry, a stack of bills, an empty fridge and a lonely vacuum cleaner all needed my attention.  Not to mention, Luke needed a little down time as well. 

So far I have tackled the laudry, the bills and the grocery shopping.  The vacuuming was done this morning but since we have a yellow lab, the dog hair never seems to go away. I get a bit obsessive about the dog hair, and I already have a plan of attack for tomorrow.

We all  have settled into our winter routine for the most part, although there is always the question of what house guests we will have for the weekend.  I love having guests and the people that do come and stay are easy to have around.  Last weekend we had friends in from the Cape with their two high school aged kids AND their dog and it was a lot of fun.  Skiing during the day, pizza by the fireplace at night.  I even went snow shoeing with my friend Nancy and the dogs.  It was a fun weekend.

In other news, last Wednesday I took a snowboarding lesson.  The last time I tried boarding was when I was in 6th grade.  I think it was the first year that Burton had snow boards.  It did not go well back then.  This time around, it went much better.  I will admit, it was HARD.  I am a skier.  I am tense by nature, so to stand on a board pointed down the hill and follow the instruction of "relax your body..." was difficult.  By the end of the hour and I half I was able to link my toe and heel turns and rumor has it, we graduate to the chairlift next week!  I am lucky to be able to use Cam's board and boots, thank goodness for hand-me-downs!  There were 4 of us in the lesson.  All women that I know from the kids' school. I think the funniest part of the night was when some of the kids came by to watch us and started heckling us "Watch out! Old Ladies on Snowboards!!" 

I also started back at Weight Watchers two weeks ago.  I am chipping away slowly, with a total of 3.6 lbs gone...only 16.4 to go, and I will feel great!  I set a goal for June and I am happy with a pound or two a week.  My body has changed in the last year and the weight just does not come off as easily as it used to.  But, I am not complaining.  I am happy with my progress and already can see a very slight difference in my jeans.  Of course today was not a good day for WW, because I discovered baked cheetos at the grocery store and I think I ate half the bag...hey, as long as I count the points, right???

The Center Of The Universe

Well, well, well...look who decided to blog??!!  Yes it's been a while.  Yes, I made it through the holidays. I think I have some pictures to share.  I could go on and on about how busy I have been, but it kind of sounds like an excuse.  I guess I could sum it up to say that my life has changed a bit and I no longer have the free 10-15 minutes here and there that I used to.  I am trying to re-adjust my thinking and make time for myself, but it won't happen overnight.

I used to have tons of time to talk on the phone.  Now my phone conversations last about 3 minutes.  Unless I am in a good cell spot in my house or I am driving to the grocery store without kids.  It is a bit of a downer that I feel somewhat isolated, but at the same time, I know it's temporary.

I read an interesting article last week that made me stop to think. It was a copy of a commencement speech for graduates of Kenyon College.  The author of the speech is David Foster Wallace.  Here is the link.   http://www.marginalia.org/dfw_kenyon_commencement.html I hope the link works.  Ironically enough, Wallace took his own life last September.

The speech was about the world and your perception of it.  And how you fit into it.  And how your view on life effects you and everyone around you.  The speech made me stop to think.  Am I the only one having a bad day?  Is my day any worse than the person next to me? Who am I to think that I am more important than the person in front of me in line at the grocery store?  Is the universe really shitting on me or am I in control of my own destiny?  Is it easier to just blame others for situations in my own life that I actually have control over?  Who am I to think that I am any more important than anyone else??? Better yet, who am I to blame everyone else for my own problems???  Not that I have tons of problems, I am very lucky, but still, my problems are my own and partially created by my existence.  I might not solve them all today, but the longer I blame others and be a victim, the more problems will be created.

I have issues with my father.  It's no secret.  I have spent a long time analyzing my own behavior, and coming to terms with the broken relationship.  Looking back, sure, I could have thrown myself at his feet, and begged him to be my dad, but I had to draw the line somewhere.  I handled the situation the best way I knew how.  I worked hard not to compromise who I was.  I recognized that if I took the exclusive blame for the breakdown in our relationship as I have done for years, I would be in the same spot a few years down the road, hurt again by his actions and words.  So, I chose to break the cycle.  It was far from easy.  I learned that I was responsible for some of it.  I learned why I reacted the way I did.  Most importantly, I learned that I would not allow it to continue.  I would not allow my children to experience the pain of rejection again or at all.  I am trying to stop saying "My father did this to me..."  It's an unfortunate situation.  I deserve his love.  But I don't have it.  And I am no longer holding my breath for it.  I am not sitting here waiting for things to change.  I am not crying and wondering why it is that I was cheated out of being Daddy's Little Girl.  Not everyone can have everything.  I have things in my life that others don't.  Things that I am grateful for.  The more energy I spend wishing that things were different between my father and I, the less energy I have to devote to the GOOD things in my life.  Like my kids.  My husband.  My friends. My job.  My life!

I have read the speech 4 times now.  It's easy to go through the motions.  It's hard to look at things in a more positive light on a daily basis.  We all have bad days.  I have had some pretty bad ones over the last month or two.  But, I will not allow it to be the norm.  I will keep my chin up, look for the good, and smile, even when I feel like yelling screaming and stomping my feet.  I am not saying that I will always be a ray of sunshine, but I am planning on looking for the good instead of focusing on the negative.

It's hard! But doable.  I am spending 2009 re-wiring my brain to be a more positive person.  (oh and losing 10 lbs.)

Happy New Year! :)

The Spirit of the Season...

It's been a while.  I know.  I have had about 5 minutes of spare time in the last month.  The last 4 weeks at work have been nuts.  We started year end inventory today and since I am the manager of purchasing and inventory, I am a bit busy. 

Admittedly, I have a had a hard time finding the Christmas spirit this season.  Economy woes, job stress, lack of snow and lack of plowing for T have all played into my mood.  On Saturday I announced that I had some last minute gift buying to attend to and surprisingly Cam asked to come along.  He had his friend Nick with him and we set out to Marshall's.  He and Nick grabbed a cart and he told me not to be upset if he did not stay close because he had a "lot" of shopping to do.  I told him to keep me posted, because in past years I have doled out the money for his gift ideas for certain people.  I never minded, but I have to admit, when he grabbed the cart the first thing I thought was "how much is THIS gonna cost me???"

I found a few odds and ends and every time I caught a glimpse of Cam and Nick they were rushing around this department or that department conferring over items that I could not make out from my respectful distance.  At one point he came over and asked to borrow $10.  He promised he would pay me back when we got home, and I started to realize that he was BUYING the gifts with his own money.  A few minutes late they came over to me with big grins and a shopping bag and announced they were done.  I asked him what he needed for cash and he told me he was all set.

When we got in the car Cam was talking a mile a minute about the gifts he bought.  He was especially excited about the Patriots jersey for Luke and the gift he picked out for me!  "You are gonna LOVE what I picked out for you!" he told me...

That hour we spent at Marshall's on Saturday completely turned my whole attitude around.  THIS is what Christmas is all about.  Showing the people you love that you care about them.  Spending the time to do something nice for others, wheather it's picking out a gift with them in mind with your own money, or making something homemade if you have a particular talent,(don't say it Kat.  It's not done yet) or just spending time with the people you care about...that is what Christmas is about.  It's about family and friends and sharing and caring.  And I was so damn proud of my sometimes impossible 14 year old, because on Saturday he spent all but $5 in his wallet on gifts for the people he cares about.  He decided this year that he would not rely on us to make the decisions for him.  He told me that he worked hard over the summer so he could do this.  He wouldn't take any money from me...and I am so proud that he gets it.

Some of Each

My throat is sore.  I am coming off of an action packed family weekend.  We kicked off the holiday weekend at our friend's home in Marion where we thought we were attending a pot luck dinner.  It turned out to be a full blown pre-Thanksgiving feast with a roast, lasagna, salad and dessert.  The best part of the evening was when my friend Nancy told Luke she wanted him to help her make gingerbread man cookies, and she made him count them before they put them in the oven.  When he wasn't looking, she removed a few and hid them around the house.  The look on his face was priceless as he raced around the house looking for the cookies that had escaped from the oven...

On Thursday we spent the day at my SIL's home with her family, her in-laws, my MIL and family.  The day could not have been more perfect.  Lots of food, wine, good company and cousins.  The best part of the day was hearing Cam tell me how Auntie let him slam the leftover tofurkey on the ground to see if it would bounce...

Thursday night we zipped over to another friend's house to make it in time for dessert.  (Round 2).  We visited long enough for Luke to melt down, and attempt to ride their newfoundland puppy like a pony.

Friday morning I was up and at it early.  Out of the house at 5am for Black Friday shopping.  Not as much fun this year as in years past.  But, I managed to find some good deals.

Friday evening we had dinner with my MIL, her um, hmm, boyfriend? and his daughter and her friend.  I enjoy his daughter.  She's pretty neat.  And I think that is all I will say about that.

Saturday Cam, Luke and I headed back to the Berks to attend a "Tree Raising" at our friend's home.  They find a 20 ft Christmas Tree to display IN their home (tall ceiling) and they have a little pre-Christmas cocktail party.  Cam hung out with some of his friends, Luke disappeared into the fray as well and I was able to have a little adult time.

On Sunday I spent most of my afternoon on the phone with the State Police giving them a statement about some ridiculous bullshit that has invaded my life.  Back in December or January I wrote a post about a friend who was making a big mistake with his choice in partners...(I would link it but I don't know how)  Well, after I spoke my mind to him, our friendship basically was put on hold.  I knew eventually he and I would be friends again, but not while he was with this person.  Who was very obviously a bad person.  My friend finally saw the light, but no one could have predicted the amount of drama that would ensue.  This evil person has now taken to harrassing anyone that is connected to my friend. 

That brings me to today.  My throat is sore, it was crazy busy at work, I wore the wrong shoes, my day care provider moved across town over the weekend and it's a pain to get there after work, and I forgot to pay one of my bills online.  But tomorrow will be a better day.  I am sure of it.

Gobble Gobble

I already did a things to be thankful for post a few days back.  I overlooked a lot of things.  I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday.

I leave you with this:

Have You Ever...

The idea is to bold the ones you have done...

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band (does Rock Band count???)

4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped

12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea

14. Taught yourself an art from scratch.

15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables 
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you're not ill

24. Built a snow fort

25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelos David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant (do drinks at a bar count?)
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class

59. Visited Russia

60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving

66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy   

70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone's life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day

How many of these have you done...?

Things to be Thankful For...

It has been a crazy week and weekend.  I have a very naughty 3 year old and instead of posting tales of woe I decided to post about things I am thankful for and happy about.

• Thanksgiving is right around the corner and it's the first time in 5 years that I am actually looking forward to the holiday.  It has historically been a low point in my family's life and this is the first year in a long time that we are not feeling anxiety about the holiday.  (Last year was great, don't get me wrong, but we still had a lot of the old anxiety kicking around)
• Cam brought home some decent grades today.  School has been a struggle this year and we have pulled out all the stops trying to keep him on track, and any grade above an 80 is worth celebrating!
• We are planning to see some friends next week that we have not been able to get together with since the summer and we are looking forward to it
• We are going to see some other friends over the holiday weekend that we have not seen in a month
• Looking forward to the cousins seeing each other on Thanksgiving Day.  I did not grow up in a big family and my family barely spoke to one another during the holidays (surprise!) so I love it when my kids can hang out with their cousins and become part of the controlled chaos.
• Happy to imagine that Luke will be over the nasty cold he has by next week.
• Praying for snow so T can start plowing!
• Can't wait to make Butternut Squash Lasagna again!  (I will bring it to my SIL's for Thanksgiving...JC I hope you don't mind!)
• Happy to think about starting WW again after the holidays. Seriously.  I am ready to count the points!
• Happy to know that my son is already in bed, watching Nemo, starting to nod off.
• Happy that Monday is drawing to a close and that Tuesdays are always easier than Mondays.

Catching Up...

I have not been a good blogger lately...so much going on and not enough time in the day to report to the 4 or 5 peeps that actually read what I write...  I will recap the last week in paragraph form, and probably leave a lot out.  Here goes:

I met an old friend (Karyn) for dinner on Tuesday night (after I voted).  Haven't had more than probably 2 conversations with her in the last 11 years, until I found her on Facebook.  Turns out she lives about 40 minutes from me, and is happily married with 2 little boys.  So much to catch up on, and it was so great to see her.  We just kind of fell out of touch when she was completing her graduate work and I changed jobs...needless to say, I am so glad we are back in touch and looking foward to seeing more of her.

Cam turned 14 on Wednesday.  FOURTEEN.  We had a birthday dinner for him and he chose the menu (BBQ ribs and Fries and Key Lime Pie)  My mother and brother came over for dinner and my brother completely blew him away with Celtics tickets.  Cam is a big fan, and T and I tolerate basketball, but would not go out of our way to go to a game.  (Unless it was college basketball.)  We gave him new skis and bindings and my mother gave him ski boots, so the boy is all set for ski season.  Lots of friends and family called him to sing and wish him a Happy Birthday and even though he is 14 and not into the singing so much, you could tell he was thrilled with the attention.  He's challenging at times, but a truly wonderful kid and I am so lucky to call him my son.

On Friday I travelled back to NY to Karyn's house to meet her boys and husband (very cute kids and nice husband) and to see my old roommate Nancy and her husband and twin babies.  Nancy and I met when we both worked for Saturn Corp. and it worked out that we had living situations that were changing so we moved in together until she was transferred to White Plains for her job.  Nancy and Karyn are best pals, they went to college together, and interestingly we all are the same age and graduated from Siena College... but since I took my time in college I did not meet them at Siena, but I am sure I would have been friends with them had I been there during that time. :)  It was great to see all the little kids and I brought Luke along to hang out.  He had a great time.  I will post pics later this week.

On Saturday I travelled BACK to NY (this time to Malta) to attend a kiddo birthday party for my friend Max's two sons.  She has 4 boys and the oldest are a little over a year apart so she does one big party for both kids.  This year it was at an indoor Bounce and Play place that might as well have been Disney World as far as Luke was concerned.  He worked up a sweat bouncing in the different bounce houses in about 2 minutes flat.  I also had a chance to meet my friend Jill's sweet baby girl Ellie Kate.  Ellie came home in June and our schedules have been so hectic that this was my first chance to meet her.  A beautiful happy baby.  Good stuff.

Saturday evening T and I went to a 40th birthday party for our friend Sandi.  Our friends Michele and Rich dropped their two kids at our house and Cam and Cotey babysat Luke and Chase.  Cotey is Luke's regular babysitter and in the same class as Cam, so it worked out well because that way we did not have to worry about the siblings killing each other in the parent's absence.  The party was great, they had an excellent band and lots to eat and drink. 

Sunday marked another party for Cam, this time a football party for his friends.  My brother and his GF came by, along with my friend Nik and her husband...Basically we ate from 1-8pm

Tonight we are having my old assistant and his family over for dinner.  Then I am DONE.  Exhausted.  Off duty~ 

I voted!

I have never felt so exhilarated about a presidential election.  I took Cam with me to vote.  I allowed him to fill out the ballot. (I double checked it!)  He was very excited about the election and stayed up past 10 watching the results.

I stayed up until 1am flipping through the coverage.  Obama's speech moved me to tears.  I am not ashamed to admit it.  I am so proud to be an American today.  I am so proud to stand up and say that I voted for Change.  I voted with my heart.  I stayed true to my morals and values.  And I am proud that an overwhelming amount of Americans feel the same way.

Change won't happen overnight.  I know that he will spend most of his first 4 years (yes!) setting the groundwork.  And I believe it will happen....Obama said it himself,

"This victory alone is not the change we seek. It is only the chance for us to make that change. And that cannot happen if we go back to the way things were."  To me, it was the most powerful statement in his whole speech. 

I also want to take this opportunity to say that it bugs me how many poor sports are out there.  I admired McCain for his concession speech.  I thought it was the best speech he has given to date.  And not just because he lost. 

Congratulations to everyone who voted!